Your life is starting now

Transcribed from the recording and lightly cleaned for reading — false starts removed, proper names and Scripture references restored. Nothing has been added or reordered.

The song

When you feel loneliness
in a dark time of your life,
and despair knocks at your door,
just trust: for you there is a God.

You can feel Him near you,
you’re not alone.
You can see with your own eyes:
He is with you.

There is no more reason to cry,
to close down in yourself.
Open up your soul and receive His love.
The Holy Spirit will bring the help.

You can feel Him near you,
you’re not alone.
You can see with your own eyes:
He is with you.

He heals your soul and gives you another heart.
Don’t try to understand, don’t you think — just live.
This is your new life.

You can feel Him near you,
you’re not alone.
You can see with your own eyes:
He is with you.

God is with you. The Lord is with us.
God is with you. The Lord is with us.
God is with you. The Lord is with us.

Why he sang it

I wrote this about sixteen years ago, at the time when I used to deal a lot with loneliness. I used to struggle a lot with loneliness, and in one night God gave me the grace to realise that He was always with me, and I wanted to share this message. So God gave me the grace to write this song.

It’s very personal to me. It was very impactful at the time, and it was a long process to be healed from the feeling of loneliness.

But today I don’t want to talk about that. That was just to illustrate the grace that God gave me. If you look here on this channel, you’ll be able to see the other songs I was able to record in a more professional manner. I have Until your kingdom come. I have Your life changed my living, which was the song I recorded at the start of the last video.

Anyway. Today I wanted to keep talking about the moment when I had that experience with God — my heart recoils within me. I want to continue from that period in my life, which was February 2017, forward.

Lent, 2017

So I showed you that in Lent in 2017, following that episode, I got rid of all the pride that was within me, which I was cultivating through my appearance. I shaved my hair, I shaved my beard, I took my earrings off, I took off pretty much everything. Vanity of vanities — everything is vanity. So I was able to get rid of the vanity, and that was just one step.

But you know, there’s a saint in the Church who says that when you give one step towards God, God gives ten steps towards you. That means that when you do the bare minimum in order to do anything for God, God rewards your willingness to do something, and He does ten times more to give you the graces that you’re seeking.

It was a very difficult period for me — after having lived in such a deplorable way, to get back on track. And I tried. I tried very hard, I tried with all my energy, and I was full of joy, full of the grace of God. I went to confession, and Lent was different in 2017, nine years ago, because of that experience.

But it was a big struggle. Because Jesus says — I didn’t prepare this, but let me open John, chapter 8, verse 31 onward:

Then Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” They answered him, “We are descendants of Abraham and have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean by saying, ‘You will be made free’?” … Jesus answered them, “Very truly, I tell you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin.”

And so that was me — giving myself entirely to the sinful life I was living. And I couldn’t stop that lifestyle until the miracle that happened.

But still, you know, there is a physical reality, there’s a spiritual reality, and there’s a psychological reality where you mould yourself to the sin and you create a necessity where sometimes it doesn’t exist. It’s like with drugs: when you start using drugs, they talk about a period to re-accustom your body to being without the drug. There is a sort of suffering that you go through; it is a period of adaptation, so that you’re not going to put those disgraceful things into your body again. It’s more or less the same thing in the spiritual world. You got used to the sin; now you need to suffer to purge that sort of lifestyle you were living.

The three most important things

So I went through this, but I was full of joy. I received an amazing grace, because people were praying for me — and that is the most important thing.

I told a friend a few weeks ago that there are three things I would consider the most important things in his life. The first one is Jesus in the Eucharist. And I’m very sad to know that there are so many people who call themselves Christians and don’t know the Eucharist. The Eucharist is the most important thing we have on this earth.

The second thing is Our Lady. And again — not only Christians, but atheists, pagans, people who believe in loads of gods — I’m very sorry for them, because they don’t know and they don’t have Our Lady as their mother. Saint Louis de Montfort said that whoever does not have Our Lady as mother cannot have God as Father. I just leave that with you, if you know any Protestants.

And the third most important thing I told my friend is prayer. Prayer is the third most important thing we have on this earth.

So people were praying for me. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen in my life. I wasn’t expecting to change overnight. I wasn’t expecting, out of the misery, out of the darkness, out of the nonsense life that I was living, to be able to receive a grace from God in a miraculous way, as I received. If you didn’t watch it, you can watch the previous video, My heart recoils within me, where I tell that experience.

Templemore Avenue

After that, I wrote a song — actually, I think I wrote two songs in Portuguese. God was giving me so many graces. I was recording some of the texts that I had written, and I moved home to live in Templemore Avenue.

If you know Belfast, you know that is in the east, and that’s the heart of Protestantism, where they do their parades on the twelfth of July. But that never impacted me, because for most of the time I lived in Belfast I lived in east Belfast, always amongst Protestants. And the Protestants pretty much don’t practise their own religion; I was maybe the only person practising in the area of Templemore Avenue.

I lived there for six months after receiving this grace to be in communion with God. I was working in Robinson’s, the pub here in Belfast. And I was trying to go to Mass every Sunday. I was trying to say my prayers, to read the catechism, to read the Bible, to listen to music and songs that would inspire prayer, and to go back to my practice of saying psalms in the morning and psalms in the afternoon, and to use the psalms as a means of prayer as well.

Two doors

I moved into this house, and there was a girl there who was very nice. And I said, you know what — I will need to stay on my own.

But in saying that, I had some feelings, some instincts, some things inside of me that were bringing my mind back to my ex-girlfriend, the one who broke up with me in Brazil, whom I had met through the consecration to Our Lady. And I sent a message to her. She wasn’t expecting anything, but she said that the fact that I had sent a message was an answer to her prayer — because she was praying for me. We used to have a sort of engagement ring; when you date someone in Brazil it’s common to have rings to show that you are with that person. She still had that ring, and she had put the ring in Saint Michael’s hand and was praying the prayer to Saint Michael for me. And I said: very nice.

So we sort of went back to talking to each other. But then there was this girl at the house. She was Italian, and I am half Italian, and I was always interested in learning Italian, and we got to talk to each other. And I said to myself: maybe my ex-girlfriend broke up with me because I moved to Belfast, and I think there’s going to be no way for us to get back together; this is all illusory.

And in the middle of my attempt to live in a state of grace, I had suggestions that obviously were not from God. Because I thought to myself: she’s in Brazil, I’m here, how can she come, how can we see if the relationship can progress? And then very selfishly I said: you know what, it’s not going to work. Whatever she’s praying for me, she’s praying to Saint Michael, maybe she has something to do with the fact that I got back to the life of grace — but I was intrigued by this other girl, and we started to date.

And I sent a message to the one in Brazil and said: you know, it’s not going to work out, I’m here, you’re there, so let’s just leave our lives. Not because I didn’t want to talk to her any more, but just because I had met this other girl.

And you know, when you do something for God and when you are weak, sometimes the devil puts things in your path that you think are going to lead you to God, or are coming from God. But you can only know by the fruits. And the first fruit was this: she didn’t want to go to church at all. In fact she had some rage against God, because her mum died of cancer and she blamed God for that.

It’s a long story. To make it short: she wanted everything but God. She wanted anything but to go to church.

And it was a tough period in my life, because I didn’t want to live in sin, I didn’t want to spend more time in the illusions of this world. But unfortunately, I did. We were dating for five months. And for five months I was in the Legion of Mary back and forth — going one week and not going the next, doing things here and there, travelling with her, and working in a pub.

Bad company ruins good morals

It was a very difficult lifestyle. And I think this is very important: you need to pray to get a good job, because the environment you live in can influence the life that you live. If you are surrounded by people who don’t believe in God, they can influence you not to think of faith as such a serious matter — just something on the level of what you’re going to eat tomorrow; to treat faith as a secondary thing, because what matters is your feelings, what matters is your intentions, what matters is the energy. But this is all nonsense.

Being in the Legion of Mary, and having people who were trying to help me to quit sin and to have a holy life — that is very important as well. And that is in the letter to the Corinthians. I didn’t prepare this either, but let me get this piece of Scripture:

Do not be deceived: bad company ruins good morals.

So sometimes we need to pray for a good job, to be at least surrounded by people who are neutral, or people who are going to bring us to God. And thank God I joined the Legion of Mary and I had people telling me — or at least reminding me. Because many young people nowadays do not have that grace, because they are surrounded by people who think that their lifestyle, the sinful life that they live, the mortal sins that they commit, the offences that they make to God, are normal.

And sometimes all we need is one person to tell us: No, that’s not right. You were not made for this life that you are living. You are wasting your youth, you’re wasting your energy, you’re wasting the gifts that God gave you, for nothing, for nonsense. Sometimes one person, good company, can make a total difference. That’s why I would advise you to join the Legion of Mary.

Medjugorje

So the people in the Legion of Mary were organising, as a group, a pilgrimage to Medjugorje. And I had never heard about Medjugorje in my life.

There is a sort of contradiction, in that some people think that Our Lady doesn’t appear there; some people say it is from the devil; some people say — you know, you can say whatever. I’m not going to talk here about the theology of Medjugorje. I’m not going to talk about whether Our Lady is appearing there or not. But I can assure you that I went to Medjugorje one person, and when I came back I was another person.

Because — I don’t know if you watched the film The Passion of the Christ. There is a very touching scene where Jesus is carrying the cross, and He falls, and He is in a straight line of sight to Our Lady. And Our Lady, when she sees Jesus stumbling as He carries the cross, remembers that when Jesus was a child and He would fall, she would go and help Him. It’s the same thing thirty years later: Our Lady sees her Son fallen, carrying the cross with all the pain, and she goes and tries to help Him to rise. And Jesus looks at her — that gaze. Sometimes that’s everything that we need to change our lives: one gaze. And the way Jesus looked at Our Lady in that scene, He said: See, I renew all things. Through His passion, through His suffering, through His cross. Saint John wrote this, in Revelation 21, verse 5:

And the one who was seated on the throne said, “See, I am making all things new.”

What he brought with him

I arrived in Medjugorje. I was dating this girl who only wanted to know about sin. I had been having insomnia for about two or three months. I was looking to buy a house in Belfast and I couldn’t buy; there were a lot of issues. I got a sale agreed in south Belfast, and everything was happening in such a way that I was not able to get the keys. I don’t know what was going on, but I couldn’t finalise the purchase of the house. There were so many issues.

I failed my driving test. I couldn’t pass the test, and I regarded myself as a complete failure. Everything in my life, in every aspect that you can think of. Spiritually, I was living in mortal sin. Psychologically, I was having insomnia, I was thinking I’m a failure, I cannot even pass a driving test, I’m a disgrace. And emotionally — in every aspect of my life it was bad. I cannot think of anything that was good.

But I went to Medjugorje, and in the bus Filipe — the one who invited me to join the Legion of Mary, my friend — said: may this trip to Medjugorje be a turning point in our lives. I had no idea what he was talking about. I had no idea what Medjugorje was. I had no idea what could happen there.

What I know is that I arrived in that place, and there was a Mass celebrated in English at ten o’clock in the morning on the first day, and I felt the presence of Our Lady there. I felt that Our Lady was walking in the church. And I started to cry. Maybe because of my sins, maybe because of her presence, maybe because of the love of the other people who were with me in the Legion of Mary — I don’t know. But I was crying at Mass, and it was so special.

And I took a picture — I’m going to show you here. I took a picture of myself in front of the text written there in their language. And I was wearing sunglasses, because I had been crying and my eyes were red.

That was fine. I thought: this is so special. And especially when you are living in sin, you don’t have experiences with God. You’re not touched by grace, because you put a wall between yourself and God. And it’s not that God doesn’t want to give you grace — it’s because you say to God, not with your words but with your actions, I don’t want you. So you close yourself off as well.

“Your life is starting now”

But I received such a special grace at Mass, and I went to confession, and I poured out my heart and I confessed my sins. And afterwards, in the afternoon, there was a moment when we were going up a hill where there was a statue of Our Lady, and that was the place where she appeared for the first time.

I cannot tell you what they told me, but I remember that I went to that place — there were rocks around the statue of Our Lady, where she appeared for the first time — and I knelt down there and I started to cry, because I could feel the presence of Our Lady there. And I couldn’t stop crying. And the presence of Our Lady was so strong; and God, after confession, allowed me to feel the presence of His Mother to such an extent that she spoke to me.

Now, if you remember, in the last video I told you that when Our Lady sat on the sofa beside me, she said: “What have you done with the graces I gave you?” And I told her: I don’t know, Mum. I was fooled.

Now, kneeling there crying, Our Lady said this to me: “Your life is starting now.”

I remember my friend’s wife saying: how many graces we received in this pilgrimage. And I was thinking, I cannot measure it, I don’t know.

The graces, in order

But straight away — the first thing when I came back to Belfast from Medjugorje: I broke up with my girlfriend, the Italian. That was the first grace I received.

The second one: I had peace, and the insomnia stayed at Our Lady’s feet, because I didn’t have insomnia any more.

The third thing is that it was as if Our Lady, or my guardian angel, inspired me and said: go and try the driving test again. And I said: I’m stupid, I don’t know, I’m not going to be able to. And she put a person on my path, Paul, who became my instructor. I had five classes with him, and he showed me everything that I needed to know. He said: you do this, you do it that way, you study this way, all these things. And I passed my driving test and I got my driving licence, and I was very happy.

And then — on the twenty-seventh of November 2014 I consecrated myself by the method of Saint Louis de Montfort. And in that week in 2017, Our Lady gave me the grace: the process of the purchase of my house in Belfast was finalised. And my friend Brian, from the Legion of Mary, brought me the keys — because I was working, so he was able to go to the estate agent; he got the keys and he brought them to me in the week of Our Lady of Grace in 2017.

At the end of the year as well, in December, I said: there is no way — because Our Lady gave me all these graces, and she is the reason for everything that is happening in my life now. It was clear to me that Our Lady was putting my life back on track in every area, emotionally and spiritually. And I really decided to join the Legion of Mary for good.

And I had my house. I passed my test and I could drive, I bought a car, and I decided to talk to my ex-girlfriend in Brazil. And in March 2018, after we spoke and decided, I proposed. And for nine months we said a novena to Our Lady — I don’t know if you know about this; it starts on the twenty-fifth of March and goes until the twenty-fourth of December. It’s a nine-month novena, asking that God would make us fertile. And we got married on the feast of the Immaculate Conception, on the eighth of December 2018. And the rest is history now.

How the threads run

So you see how things are linked.

People were praying for me. People in the Legion of Mary were pushing me to live in a state of grace. Through the Legion of Mary, I went to Medjugorje. Through Medjugorje, Our Lady gave me back all the graces I had lost because of my choices, my bad choices, my sin. And through that, I got married; and now I’m waiting for my fifth child to be born in November this year.

So prayer works, you see. But just be aware of what you ask for in prayer. Everything can be sorted, everything can be fixed, everything can work through prayer. And I am a living witness of the power of prayer, of the power of the intercession of Our Lady, and of the power of the Blessed Sacrament.

“Enveloped by you, Mother”

If I may, I will finish with this poem, which you will not understand now, but you will understand better in the next videos. I wrote this poem in 2022, when I had the insight that everything that worked in my life was through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary. And so this is called Enveloped by you, Mother.

From my earliest age, at my birth, you were already there to receive me and protect me, before the consecration of that devout nurse who took me in her arms and offered my life to you — not knowing of the trials that would lie on my bewildered horizon of contradictions and hardships.

You carried me in your arms and upheld my life. When I was wounded, you tended to me — always hidden, securing my protection and relief, granting the bare minimum needed to keep me safe from the spirit of death that surrounded me and sought to devour me.

From the countless moments when danger overtook me, when darkness filled my days and held me captive — but there too you were present, amid the stunned darkness of ignorance, of sin, of recklessness, of impurity and of weakness. When I wept, you dried my tears, how many times, and laid them before God.

In my hidden and morbid desires to end the most precious gift I had received, the precious life that God had granted me, Our Lady obtained for me the grace of deliverance, which allowed me to live the most sublime encounter with your holy Son.

Jesus entered the world through your most holy womb, and entered my life through your intercession, in so singular a way. So many privileges I did not deserve, and you obtained them for me. So many graces I could never have received, and yet they found their way to me.

It was through your hands that I received divine providence, love and tenderness. It was beneath your mantle that I passed through my darkest hours. It was hand in hand with you that I crossed the most tortuous paths, amid the malignant illusion of all that slays my soul — in the feasts, the drunkenness, the revelling and the sleepless nights. I was lifted up by you a thousand times after falling into cursed sins. Yet nothing I ever did drove you from me. I thank you with all my heart.

The mystery of your presence was revealed at last, in the most fitting moment, at the hour the Father decided — to receive also my freedom, which I had guarded as something inviolable, yet used to bind myself to the darkness that guided me with my animal instincts.

Your mother’s love consecrated me with graces, care, tenderness and protection, lawfully and juridically, in the spiritual and the human world. I surrendered to you my goods, all that I could ever gather, in every dimension. I surrendered to you the fruits of my prayers and of my good works. I surrendered to you my past, my present and my future. I surrender to you all that there is in me, all that I am and all that I have.

May all that surrounds me feel the presence of the Virgin. May Mary be in every place where my name shall reach. May my actions be permeated by your fragrance. May my prayers be offered with your amen. May my life and my family come to know the power of your presence.

I am all yours, my Mother, and all that I possess — literally, to the depth of my soul — belongs to you. It is yours and is at your disposal. I thank you and I honour you in a manner wretched and meagre, feeble and unworthy; yet I do so with my whole heart. I love you, my Mother, and I wish each day to be more enveloped by you.

For all that I have done in my story and will yet do; for all that you have set aside for my descendants; for all that you have provided before the throne of Christ; for all that you have yet prepared to come to pass — be it done in me according to your will. Be it done in me as you desire to do. Be it done in me now and for all eternity. I ask only to learn not to dishonour the promises of that twenty-seventh day.

Amen.